A Women's Week at the Gym

OK....so a long time family friend sent me this forward today and I had to share it with others. I know that my clients have most definitely felt this way toward me....more than once. I had a good laugh when I read this one...enjoy!

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the He!! would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b*tch to find me Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the d@mned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh*t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

My Inspiration...

One of my proudest moments of being a personal trainer is when my client, Heidi Lankford, completed the Las Vegas Half Marathon on December 2nd. This was Heidi's first half marathon and I will have to say she did amazing!

I started training Heidi in January of 2007. Heidi always told me that she was not a runner....but low and behold I have made a runner out of her. She is truly an inspiration to me and I am so proud of her accomplishments. What is next....maybe a full marathon?

Gift of Health

Tis the season for eating and putting those dreaded work-out to the side. So what could be better than asking Santa for a personal trainer to get you on your way to reach your New Year's goal? VO2 Fitness is now offering personal training gift certificates for 5, 10 and 20 sessions. Let the trainer come to you and work-out in the comfort of your own home or a park nearby. Individual and group personal training session are available. Contact mbrownfitness@yahoo.com for pricing.

Adventure Boot Camp Classes

Here is your chance to get a work-out of a life time and enjoy the great outdoors! VO2 Fitness now provides a monthly Adventure Boot Camp class at Calico Basin in Red Rock (directions below).

Adventure Boot Camp classes are for all levels. You take it at your pace...we will motivate you and push you so you will get a work-out of a life time. Classes will include strength training, trail running/walking, stretching, core training and yoga.

The first Adventure Boot Camp class will be on Saturday, November 10th from 9:00-10:30 am. The price per person is $15 and can be paid in cash, check or credit card. Classes must be paid for before the class starts. Classes are limited to 20 people with a minimum of 5. Please RSVP to mbrownfitness@yahoo.com to hold your place at least 48 hours prior.

For any questions, please call (702) 279-8935 or email mbrownfitness@yahoo.com. Hope to see you there!

Directions to Calico Basin:
From the 2-15 head west on Charleston heading towards Red Rock Canyon. You will see the sign for Calico Basin on your right about 5 miles from the 2-15. Turn Right and follow road up to the parking lot. Class will meet at the picnic tables.

Drink Up!

Your water that is! We all know that you should be drinking 8 glasses of water a day....but how many of us actually follow through with this? To do this you should be drinking 64 ounces of water a day.

Incredible as it may seem, water is quite possibly the single most important catalyst in losing weight and keeping it off. Although most of us take it for granted, water may be the only true "magic potion" for permanent weight loss! Water suppresses the appetite naturally and helps the body metabolize stored fat. Studies have shown that a decrease in water intake will cause fat deposits to increase, while an increase in water intake can actually reduce fat deposits.

Here's why: The kidneys can't function properly without enough water. When the kidneys don't work to capacity, some of their load is dumped onto the liver. One of the liver's primary functions is to metabolize stored fat into usable energy for the body. If the liver has to do some of the kidney's work, it can't operate at full throttle. As a result, it metabolizes less fat, more fat remains stored in the body, and weight loss stops. Drinking enough water is the best treatment for fluid retention. When the body gets less water, it perceives this as a threat to survival and begins to hold on to every drop. Water is stored in extra cellular spaces (outside the cells). This shows up as swollen feet, legs and hands. Diuretics offer a temporary solution at best. They force out stored water along with some essential nutrients. Again, the body perceives a threat and will replace the lost water at the first opportunity. Thus, the condition quickly returns. The best way to overcome the problem of water retention is to give the body what it needs…PLENTY OF WATER. Only then will the stored water be released.

If you drink soda, make sure that you do not count this towards your 8 glasses of water. A good way to make sure you are getting all of the water you need is to carry a water bottle with you and keep filling it through out your day. Make sure you always have water with you in the car.

Try this move...

Push-Ups are one of the world's oldest exercises. Unfortunately today, Push-Ups are only used by the military, as part of sport conditioning and to set records for the Guiness Book. Push-ups will focus on toning your shoulders and upper back.

How to do:

1.Assume a prone position on the floor with your body weight supported by your hands and balls of your feet.

2. Your hands should be placed in line with your shoulders and your fingers should be pointed in at a 45 degree angle.

3. Lower your body until your chest nearly touches the floor and then raise yourself.

4. For variety your elbows can jut outward, remain close to thebody or you can perform the movement between benches for agreater range of motion.

Healthy Recipe of the Week

Crab Chowder

Low Cal/Low Fat
Preparation time : 20 minutes

Cooking time : 30 minutes

6 Servings

1 slice uncooked bacon diced

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped celery

1 spring fresh thyme

1 bay leaf

1 1/2 cups clam juice or fish stock

6 small red potatoes

1 pound crab meat

2 cups reduced fat (2%) milk

1 red pepper diced

1 teaspoon chopped, fresh dill

1. Put the bacon in a soup pot and heat over low heat. Add the onion, celery, thyme and bay leaf, turn the heat up to medium, and cook until the vegetables are soft, about 10 minutes.

2. Dice the potatoes and add them to the soup pot with the clam juice. Simmer until the potatoes are just tender, about 10 minutes. Add the milk, peppers, crab and dill and cook until the crab is just heated through. Remove the thyme and bay leaf. Adjust the salt and pepper to taste.

Nutrition Facts: Serving Size 1 cup, Amount Per Serving: Calories 233 Protein 22 g Total Carbohydrate 33g Dietary Fiber 4g Soluble Fiber 0 g Insoluble Fiber 0 g Sugar 8 g Total Fat 3g Saturated Fat 1g Monounsaturated Fat 1g